we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
