i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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