I wish I only lived at night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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