Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
