the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
