You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
