you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
