Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
