I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
