Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
