I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize