i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
