the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
