She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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