Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
