I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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