; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
