My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
