I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
