could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
