I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
