I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We have started to decorate penises.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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