Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
