ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
