So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
