I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
