Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Girls should come with a carfax report
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
