there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
