Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
