I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize