the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
