I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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