are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
