She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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