even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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