i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
