new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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