Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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