So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
