Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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