im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
