i already hear my dad disowning me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
