I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
