Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
