That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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