you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
