also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
