Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
