i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
