so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
