Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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