i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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