No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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