we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
