It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The adults are the big ones right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
