i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
