So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
