I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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