i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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