Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
