NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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