i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize