I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
