Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
