is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
