oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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