it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Barsexuality is the new black.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
